I'm tired.

Well, I would like to tell everyone that I have it all together all the time. But everyone who knows me well knows I'm a horrible liar, so I won't try to convince you of that first statement. I would like to say tell you that I'm a changed (for the better) woman since Keith's health scare. But I can't say that yet. I feel like I still have a lot to process, but I haven't found the solitude to do that yet. I have struggled with how fast life has gone since Keith being in the hospital. I've had a difficult time finding my groove again as a wife and mom with four young children. I used to just laugh when people would make comments about how hard it must be with four children 5 and under. Now I want to affirm them in their assumption. I'm frustrated with myself because I hate it when I'm overwhelmed. My heart would like to be happy and look at the positive 100% of the time, and it is really aggravating to me when I get too tired to smile. But that's exactly the spot I have found myself in many times lately.

So, this next exercise is really just for me...to remind me of God's sweet faithfulness and graciousness to me.

Thankful for...
1. the peace that I have in walking with the Lord on a daily basis. He is not just someone I sing to on Sundays. He guides my every step and puts joy in my heart. He sustains me...even now in my tiredness.

2. my husband. Did you know that he took me on a date last night and surprised me with diamond stud earrings and a cross necklace? Just because. I can't express in words how much I love this man and thank God for him.

3. my children. Yes, they are mostly the reason why I am so tired, but they are also the reason why I laugh all throughout the day. They have my heart. God uses them all the time to make me more into the woman He wants me to be.

4. my mom and in-laws. Can I just say that we are so blessed to have the parents that we do? I have learned so much about sacrificial love from our parents. They always put family first and that has blessed Keith and I so much. I could not have lived thru the past couple of weeks without their love and support.

5. our church family...could just be the best group of people out there. They have ministered to our family and shown us God's love time and time again. I promise, if you come to our church, you will not want to leave. There is something so special about the people God has put together at our church.

6. friends and neighbors...just wonderful, I tell you. They have also blessed our family so much. We are better people because of the influence you have made on our lives.

Do you see what I'm seeing...none of my material possessions come to mind when I ponder on what I am thankful for. It's all about relationships. Don't get me wrong. I am thankful for the things God has given to us, but I also understand how temporary those things are.

OK, I can go to bed tonight reflecting on God's goodness and not on my weariness :) I told you this exercise was for me. And please don't think of this as "the power of positive thinking." Think of it as seeking to honor God with my thoughts and my attitude. Goodnight.

Here are some long overdue pics of our kids with their family...first off, Brynlee with her Mama E.

...the boys with their granny
the boys with their papa
Brynlee meeting her nanny for the first time (Papa's mom)
Brynlee meeting her mimi for the first time (Mama E.'s mom - 91 years old...I know, she looks incredible for her age)